I have to live life, even if I'm fed up with it

I wish I could only exist in my dreams.

My world, where everything goes just the way I want it to.

But, the truth is, I can't.

No matter how much I pray, no matter how much I cry, no matter how much I try, life never will turn for me.

It hardly ever does.

I sometimes think that God made a mistake, when He made me. I sometimes think that I'm just taking up space, that I'm just a burden to my own parents, that I just piss others off. I fail in almost everything I attempt, most of my goals and stuff that are too private to record here.

But since this is my life, I have to put up with it. I have to bend it in a way that it can useful to me, in which I have never really succeeded in doing.

So what do I do, to solve this problem?

I lie. I lie, saying that life is going well for me, that I'm doing just fine, that I'm happy. I paste on a smile, and when I laugh, I laugh like I'm truly happy.

But I'm not.

So I keep on lying, lying until it seems like my whole life is a lie itself.

I'm still trying to bend it, praying that the odds are, for once, in my favor.

It never always does.

I have to live life, even if I'm fed up with it.